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FashionVictim25 [userpic]

(no subject)

September 21st, 2005 (11:14 am)
cheerful

current mood: cheerful

So, Fall is in the air. Mabon is here and Samhain just over a month away. I only have two and a half days left of Customer Solutions and then I will be shipped back to Online. Yaaaayyyyyy! Can't wait I hate my current job. So I will be off the phones for three weeks almost and then a weeks vacation.

I will be going on Oct 18th to the Bryan Adams/Def Leppard concert at the Turning Stone with Matt. The concert is going to kick ass. Def leppard is one of my favorite bands and I know they will do Pour Some Sugar On Me live. My old dance on the table song, back in the day of course. Those days are long gone.

Matt and my one year anniversary is coming on October 10th and it will be one year since we met on Oct 1st. One great year. We are still planning on what we are going to do to celebrate and I am still looking for a perfect gift for him. There is one gift I have in mind. I am so happy and I love Matt as each minute passes.

As for now, I'm not going to jinx it, work is quite and we are looking for a house for my friend Melissa.

FashionVictim25 [userpic]

Winds of Change....

July 15th, 2005 (01:25 pm)
calm

current mood: calm
current song: Fallen Icons-Delerium

Haven't written in a while. I'm not very ambitious about certain things I guess. Well the winds of change are coming my way again on the tides of time....I feel as I am evolving once again part of my ever constatnt metamorphosis and a characteristic of my chameleon state. After five years at Fleet, now Bank of America I am trying to get a new job with a new bank and hopefully it will be a better situation. I can't handle wallowing in this hellpit that all of us have been tossed into. I'm waiting for an answer from the new place my interview went quite successfully I think. So the worst part is the wait. I have no patience as it is well known. Hope to get out of here soon.

On a positive note Matt and me have been together for nine months and I have been happier than I have known myself to be in years. It is great to be in a content and secure relationship with someone that I love so much and it feels like time stands still when I am with Matt.

I have begun writing again a potential book with around 17 pages in the past two months. However ;ately the life has been drained fom by the job and any sense of creativity. But it's a start and it's nice to be writing again after a dry spell that has lasted for years. The book is about a female serial killer....lol....appropriate for me....I thinking of revising some of what i have written or the concept not sure yet....

As for the other components of my life the Diabetes, well my blood sugar is high as ever, so my units have been increased from 32 to 38 units a day. Blah but what else can I do.

Knock on wood, I haven't had any of horrific nightmares in the past month or so. The Jasper and Hematite have been helping along with the sachet that needs to be changed above my window. I am lazy I must admit. I know things are changing such as my job, my perspective, and tons of other things. Not far from Samhain so its appropriate to feel this way. My senses are up again but there's alot going on around me with my friends, family, and work. i feel like I am flooded but at the same time content. I am always the contradiction. Change, that's all I feel. I am predicting for thos e around me as always and for the most part I have been accurate. Very reassuring......Well for now I will finish off listening to Fallen Icons before going back on the dreaded phone with dreaded customers.......

FashionVictim25 [userpic]

Reach Up For the Sunise......

March 31st, 2005 (09:14 am)

Well I haven't written in a while. i'm a slacker or is it a fact that to those who know me that my life is an open book? Well started off this morning on a fabulous note. I finally received my gorgeous Steve Madden shoes that have been back ordered for a month and I think by far are my my best shoes yet...lol.It's amazing how similiar to Manolo's they are.

Last night Matt and Me went to the Duran Duran concert at the Turning Stone. The concert was great esp. when they sang Ordinary World, Rio, Hungry Like the Wolf, and Girls on Film. Some of my fav Duran Duran songs. A small very wishful part wished they did Come Undone or Electric Barbarella....lol. Simon still rocks and looks very good for his age. So all in all a great time. Something I think we both needed and both could appreciate.

On the next note, Matt and my six month anniversary is approaching in less than two weeks. Six very happy months and for once no regrets or heartaches. it's like I am in a dream that keeps getting better. He is everything I could of ever wanted in a man. The way he makes me feel, laugh, respects me, loves me, and how smart and determined he is. I could go on forever....lol. He bought me Closer how well he knows me and that I wanted that movie. Also, a pleasant surprise. :)

As for the rest of my life most of it is calm except for work but I am coping. No horrific dreams in the past few weeks but some very dramatic and memorable dreams. I can't label them as good or bad just weird.....Who knows???? Off to work at least tomorrow I won't have to....

FashionVictim25 [userpic]

(no subject)

March 21st, 2005 (01:17 pm)

what kind of shoe I am!

You are Slinky Heels!
You're an uptown, well put together woman
But you're not too uptight to enjoy a hot club
You're always the best dressed chick in the room
And you'll only settle for the best in men

FashionVictim25 [userpic]

New poem...

January 8th, 2005 (05:49 pm)
happy

current mood: happy
current song: This Love Sarah Brightman

I just wrote this poem...I am quite happy with most of it but I may have to improve or change some of it later. This one is inspired by and is for Matt.This one is untitled.

For you I would reach for a star in the twilight sky
take it unto me, engrave it with my love, release unto you so
you shall never be alone in the cruel cold night without me.

Move to the ends of the earth
walk the waves of the ocean
build you an empire underneath its depths
for your desire.

Kiss your salty lips
hold you like today is our first and our last.

Make time stand still
bend to our will

For you,for me, for us, what wouldn't I do?

FashionVictim25 [userpic]

Personality Disoder

January 6th, 2005 (11:13 am)

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid |||||||||||||||| 62% 49%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||| 62% 53%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||||| 82% 53%
Antisocial |||||||||||||||||| 74% 47%
Borderline |||||||||||||||| 62% 47%
Histrionic |||||||||||||||| 66% 43%
Narcissistic |||||||||||||||| 70% 41%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||| 62% 39%
Dependent |||| 18% 37%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||| 38% 40%

FashionVictim25 [userpic]

Seperatism? Is this what society is coming to?

January 3rd, 2005 (09:30 pm)
angry

current mood: angry
current song: Enjoy the Silence...Depeche Mode

In today's day and age one would think that with all of the education,communication,therapy,and the increasing world population that people would become closer and reach out...not seperate.But isn't true that it's quite the opposite...We are all too busy,too egocentric,and prefer quiet resistence vs.active dissident. The way things are that we all hide behind our haute couture,closed bedroom doors,private addictions,and not to face our demons. Not to talk about thing as not to disrupt the natural order of things but to do this aren't we destroying the natural order instead?

I want to scream at everyone what the fuck is going on?Speak to me, speak to each other.Share those thoughts that are running through your head.say what you really mean to say.There's no reason to hide behind pleasantries and flattery.Why not tell the truth?Does it hurt that much?Sometimes you have to bleed to grow.....

I'm tired and partly because I hide behind my "Great Wall".I protect my cavenerous heart.However I can say that I'm not fake.I do not hide behind a false face only my fashion.Peole read the distatste painted on my face...most of the time my feelings are on my sleeve.I am guilty too of not speaking because all I want is peace and quiet.I just want people to open up to me and air out the dirty laundary....I miss far too many people because they felt the need to seperate and to move on. Here's a question:Are you all happy with your decision?Do you regret not having me in your life?Do I pass through your thoughts through a moment of reflection?I would hope to think so.Just because you all are selfish and seperate yourselves from the world does not mean I have to.I refuse to seperate myself from reality.....

FashionVictim25 [userpic]

Touch Me,Push Me, So I Can Get My Satisfaction

January 2nd, 2005 (10:57 pm)
discontent

current mood: discontent
current song: Satisfaction-Benni Bennai

Well the new year has begun.Two days into 2005.Can't believe my 26th birthday is creeping up on me. Time passes by as fast as the summer breezes.

My New Years Eve was fun.For once in many years,more than I can remember Mark and me hung out together. Also,Matt,Eric,Stephanie,and Jen hung out. A quiet but fun New Years Eve.No unnecessary drama.For once I had someone that I could kiss as the veil of the year passed from one year to the next.This time it was not an empty devoid kiss that I wanted to mean something.It was a kiss as warm as the sun and full of feeling.What a wonderful way to start the new year with someone that makes me feel beautiful,strong,and makes me feel like time can stand still.I so want my relationship with Matt to last.He is everything I wished for.He makes me laugh,smile even after the most horrible day.We can have any type of conversation,go out and stay at home and still have the most fun possible.For once I feel secure.Scared because I feel so much but at the same time the love is euphoric.Matt is goal oriented,intelligent,open minded,has a great sense of humor,and caring all at once. Sometimes I think I'm dreaming.

I'm going into traing tomorrow for Priority Services(how wonderful)*note the sarcasm.I have so much work to get caught up on because I took VTO.Oh well it will work out in the end I suppose.

The Tower is appearing once again....in more than ways than one....All that we know is going to change.New seasons of our lives are coming to be.People and time and circumstances...*sigh*Unsure, and confused about many things at this time.Uncertainty about things I was certain about and could once trust.Nothing lasts forever not even cold January Rain.....

FashionVictim25 [userpic]

Tiredness......

December 27th, 2004 (02:42 pm)
tired

current mood: tired

I feel eternally tired today. I don't know why I am so tired. I feel like I am the walking dead. Well I am trying to sneak some time at work to recreate some of this journal.

The end of another year is coming to a close and what a year it has been. Changes....is the keyword. I moved from the old hole in the wall into an aprtment that I am quite happy with at this time.Always wonderful to have an apartment that is a reasonable price, centrally located, and is nicely decorated.If we could only keep it more clean all of the time...lol A bad habit, one of my flaws....

Next of all Mike and me broke up in June.He did so by email, how pathetic and predictable of him. I should have expected it and been overjoyed but at the time I was not. Our relationship was like S&M. He was the master and I was the servant.I was addicted to the high of the "love" and the downers of the breakups, the neglects,being ignored, being used for anothers whims while I just let it all be. I should have known better but I didn't I was in love for all of the obvious wrongs and a part of my wanted to be treated that way. A sort of reassurance of low self esteem.And get this he still contacts me even though he lives with his new girlfriend.*shakes head* I learned a lesson from all of this: sex is not love and pain is not exquisite.

I have this year become more proficient for reading cards for others and I have been toying with the idea of putting myself out there or better yet opening a shop of my own. Maybe this year may be the year to embark on these projects. I have become more empathetic and can often predict things accurately before they occur. Uncanny sometimes.I am always torn when it comes to my abilities and the fact that I am a witch.It's hard to reconcile this with the mundane life. Sometimes its too much and at other times it's wonderful. Just as everything else it has a yin and a yang.But i can't deny that it's not who I am.

My diabetes gets worse because I don't take care of myself and no matter what I try nothing improves. I hate it and it's all I talk about. The fact that I have this disease doesn't leave my mind for even one minute of my day. I know a million people are in the same shoes as me including my family however it doesn't make it any easier. I am trying to face the fact that in two months I will be on insulin. Hopefully that will improve my health. So far i'm grateful that I have some many supportive people in my life. Will have to finish and add more later I have tons of work to do.

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