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Tiredness......

December 27th, 2004 (02:42 pm)
tired

current mood: tired

I feel eternally tired today. I don't know why I am so tired. I feel like I am the walking dead. Well I am trying to sneak some time at work to recreate some of this journal.

The end of another year is coming to a close and what a year it has been. Changes....is the keyword. I moved from the old hole in the wall into an aprtment that I am quite happy with at this time.Always wonderful to have an apartment that is a reasonable price, centrally located, and is nicely decorated.If we could only keep it more clean all of the time...lol A bad habit, one of my flaws....

Next of all Mike and me broke up in June.He did so by email, how pathetic and predictable of him. I should have expected it and been overjoyed but at the time I was not. Our relationship was like S&M. He was the master and I was the servant.I was addicted to the high of the "love" and the downers of the breakups, the neglects,being ignored, being used for anothers whims while I just let it all be. I should have known better but I didn't I was in love for all of the obvious wrongs and a part of my wanted to be treated that way. A sort of reassurance of low self esteem.And get this he still contacts me even though he lives with his new girlfriend.*shakes head* I learned a lesson from all of this: sex is not love and pain is not exquisite.

I have this year become more proficient for reading cards for others and I have been toying with the idea of putting myself out there or better yet opening a shop of my own. Maybe this year may be the year to embark on these projects. I have become more empathetic and can often predict things accurately before they occur. Uncanny sometimes.I am always torn when it comes to my abilities and the fact that I am a witch.It's hard to reconcile this with the mundane life. Sometimes its too much and at other times it's wonderful. Just as everything else it has a yin and a yang.But i can't deny that it's not who I am.

My diabetes gets worse because I don't take care of myself and no matter what I try nothing improves. I hate it and it's all I talk about. The fact that I have this disease doesn't leave my mind for even one minute of my day. I know a million people are in the same shoes as me including my family however it doesn't make it any easier. I am trying to face the fact that in two months I will be on insulin. Hopefully that will improve my health. So far i'm grateful that I have some many supportive people in my life. Will have to finish and add more later I have tons of work to do.

Comments

Posted by: Written Silence (writtensilence)
Posted at: December 29th, 2004 04:16 am (UTC)
white walls fade.

Good evening chicken...

I am currently at work...el fucking yaay. wow all i have been doing the past few days is working. I have grown so accustomed to this house, that our home doesn’t feel as comfortable! ha!

Glad to see that you've updated your journal! 'Bout time.

I also cannot believe how quickly this year has gone by and how much things have changed. The both of us have gone through many changes this past year, and I suppose, as we both now know that we will not see a quite smooth cycle for quite some time now. It'll just be something that we'll have to endure. We'll be fine, we always are.

"Uncanny sometimes am always torn when it comes to my abilities and the fact that I am a witch.It's hard to reconcile this with the mundane life."

well i guess no one can agree with you with that statement like I...It's are to be two extremely diverse things at once and try to excel in both of them. I am starting to think, maybe that is our lesson in life to find a balance between the two. As you very well know that nature and everything else when it all boils down, it's all about balance...

Well, I have to get ready for bed, i have to wake up and get these guys on the bus! LOL I live with you, but hope to see you some point this week! OH, I wanted to take you to Yetti's for your B-day, I wanted to plan a day that we were both free, before your schedule gets hectic do to your birthday/work stuff coming up.

Love.

Mark.

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