current mood: tired
I feel eternally tired today. I don't know why I am so tired. I feel like I am the walking dead. Well I am trying to sneak some time at work to recreate some of this journal.
The end of another year is coming to a close and what a year it has been. Changes....is the keyword. I moved from the old hole in the wall into an aprtment that I am quite happy with at this time.Always wonderful to have an apartment that is a reasonable price, centrally located, and is nicely decorated.If we could only keep it more clean all of the time...lol A bad habit, one of my flaws....
Next of all Mike and me broke up in June.He did so by email, how pathetic and predictable of him. I should have expected it and been overjoyed but at the time I was not. Our relationship was like S&M. He was the master and I was the servant.I was addicted to the high of the "love" and the downers of the breakups, the neglects,being ignored, being used for anothers whims while I just let it all be. I should have known better but I didn't I was in love for all of the obvious wrongs and a part of my wanted to be treated that way. A sort of reassurance of low self esteem.And get this he still contacts me even though he lives with his new girlfriend.*shakes head* I learned a lesson from all of this: sex is not love and pain is not exquisite.
I have this year become more proficient for reading cards for others and I have been toying with the idea of putting myself out there or better yet opening a shop of my own. Maybe this year may be the year to embark on these projects. I have become more empathetic and can often predict things accurately before they occur. Uncanny sometimes.I am always torn when it comes to my abilities and the fact that I am a witch.It's hard to reconcile this with the mundane life. Sometimes its too much and at other times it's wonderful. Just as everything else it has a yin and a yang.But i can't deny that it's not who I am.
My diabetes gets worse because I don't take care of myself and no matter what I try nothing improves. I hate it and it's all I talk about. The fact that I have this disease doesn't leave my mind for even one minute of my day. I know a million people are in the same shoes as me including my family however it doesn't make it any easier. I am trying to face the fact that in two months I will be on insulin. Hopefully that will improve my health. So far i'm grateful that I have some many supportive people in my life. Will have to finish and add more later I have tons of work to do.